Days of glory

Please try not think of Bon Jovi's Blade of Glory as I tell you this. I looked it up, there is no other word I could use. Glory, as in beauty and perfectness. Keep that in mind.

***

As a teenager going up in the suburbs of Sao Paulo, there were nights when I'd stay awake, watching tv or something else, wishing I was at another place. At another country. At another reality. Somewhere else.

I'd imagine myself with other friends, living under a different weather, with different life habits. I'd long for being away, and even for missing my actual real-life friends and familiy. But it wasn't a feeling about loneliness or despair, although there was a certain sadness to it.

I realise now it was about energy. I was about wanting. So much.

(Maybe it was the night. Darkess has always set my imagination free, somehow. But there's really no way of knowing for certain)

Back then, I had very little possibilities. Most of my constraints, I realise now, were a result of myself and the way I saw the world. The little energy I had avalilable for actually fighting my way through to what I really wanted. I'd rather spend that energy dreaming about the life I never thought I could live. And I am glad I did. I remember those aparently insignificant melancholic nights up until today – or tonight, if you might – and I believe they have helped me be where I am now.

I should try to remember that the next time I feel exhausted and with almost no energy left. “Keep some for dreaming. You are a dreamer.”